James Bond: Playing Poker

Joe here again.

I don't care what you think about the new James Bond movie. It sucks.

Like, as if I want to pay 10$ to see James Bond play Texas hold'em. That's not what I want. I'm not watching the fuking Casino Channel. I wanted to see James Bond, with all the gadgets and cool super vilans that are geared to take over the world.

Here's what I got: a semi cool vilan that bleeds from the left eye. He's not even a real vilan, he's just a dishonest banker who likes poker. No world domination plot here, no doomsday device, just some looser with a gambling problem.

And the new James Bond? Why the fuck did they pick Eminem to play the role? How does this Eminem looking dude have anything to do with the Bond I wanted to see. Blue eyed & blond? WFT? They even let him a chance to pick it up at some point in the movie: a bartender asks him is he wants his drink shaken or stired. He ansered "I don't give a flying fuck, turd!", I swear that's what he says. They could have made him say "Uh.. yeah, shaken please", but they had to make him a bastard.

And the gadgets? No gadgets. I guess they tought people don't like gadgets anymore.

I know what you are thinking (if you haven't seen the movie yet): If they changed to movie so much from all precedent instances, they surely must have put a few naked chicks in there to make it interesting, right? Fuck no. The only ass we see in there is Bond's. I don't know who this actor is, but they really tried to capitalize on his naked body all thru the film.

So did I like the movie? I hated it. But I probably would have liked it a lot if it didn't pretend to be a Bond film. They should have actually casted Eminem for the role, and called it "Slim Shady Playing Poker". That would have been cool. Slim Shady playing poker against Dr Dre, Kenny Rogers, Celine Dion and Micheal Jackson. And he kills Celine and Micheal at the end, saving the world. That would rock.